I am done!

Lately I am tired.  I am tired of consistently thinking that something right is going to go my way for once. I recall last week saying "Things are looking up." Well i was wrong once again.  When i think i got a chance to connect with someone, that illusion get shattered by a big fucking rock.  Now i am at the mercy of life being right once again and myself having to pay the piper.  Now i am done.  I am done with the bullshit, i am done with trying, i am done with thinking that its gonna work and having all of my hopes and dreams being shattered in front of my eyes. I am tired of being hurt.  If i did not have the morals that i have i could actually seeing myself load the gun and pulling the trigger, but i can not do it.  i just do not have it in my will to end my own life. Now i will find myself not communicating with anyone, making funny jokes, or anything  in that matter.  I will have myself being quiet and never saying another word.  If i do not talk then i can not get hurt anymore.  i vow to never say another thing in my lifetime.